Millie, You Make Me Better

Becoming Millie’s Mom: 

It was late in the evening when I received a text saying that my results were ready. It asked if I would like to access them.

We had completed the early 12-week screening to find out our baby’s gender. The test also screens for major chromosomal abnormalities, but in our minds, this was the moment we were finally going to find out if we were having a boy or a girl.

We were so excited that we started recording a video to share with our close family and friends. I was convinced I was having a boy.

We opened the results, and a robot began texting us.

Before the gender reveal ever appeared on the screen, I saw the words: 95% chance of Trisomy 21.

More words kept popping up, but I remember feeling frozen. Everything suddenly felt surreal. I kept clicking, trying to get off that screen. I just wanted to know if my baby was a boy or a girl.

Finally, the robot told us that our sweet baby was a girl.

My husband and I cried so very hard that night.

I was scared. I didn’t know anything about Down syndrome. The only things I thought I knew came from fear-filled stories, social media, and the worst-case scenarios often presented by doctors.

But even in that moment, one thing was certain: I was going to keep my sweet baby girl. Whether she had a 95% chance or a 100% chance of having Down syndrome, she was my daughter, and I was going to love her.

I immediately started searching for information about individuals with Down syndrome. I remember coming across several influencers with Down syndrome who were absolutely crushing life. They were thriving: working, advocating, modeling, dancing, and living full, beautiful lives. As my social media feeds filled with more stories like theirs, my fear slowly began to be replaced with hope.

I chose not to pursue further testing to confirm the diagnosis during my pregnancy. For me, it wouldn’t change anything.

Still, I worried.

I worried that she would have major health complications at birth. I worried about miscarriage. I worried about stillbirth. Like so many mothers, I carried those fears throughout my pregnancy.