Rethinking Value & Worth

Every day, we assign value to people – often without realizing it – through our assumptions, labels, and generalizations. We tend to measure a person’s worth by their achievements, education, economic status… you name it. And too often, we approach others with a self-centered question: “What can this person do for me?:

I’ve lost count of how many times someone has asked me, “How severe is Jack?”. What they usually mean is, “How much has his extra 21st chromosome affected his development?”

Depending on my mood, I might respond with a question of my own: “How severe are you?”

Because, honestly, why does it matter?

Jack’s disability hasn’t changed the love or acceptance we feel for our son. But your question makes me wonder if you’re okay with it. Maybe your intent isn’t to offend, but the impact tells a different story. It feels like you’re trying to confirm a suspicion—that our lives must be harder, sadder, less joyful because Jack has Down syndrome.

The truth? Yes, sometimes this journey is hard. But if you’re being honest, so is yours. That’s life. It’s full of highs and lows, joy and heartbreak, for everyone.

Sometimes the challenges we face are related to Jack’s disability, but more often they’re not. What’s hardest isn’t the Down syndrome diagnosis; it’s the lack of acceptance, the missed opportunities, the assumptions, and the marginalization he experiences because of his diagnosis.

We are deeply proud of Jack and love him fiercely. He’s made our lives better. We believe his life is a masterpiece—uniquely and intentionally created with purpose. He’s not just a person with a diagnosis. He’s a son, a brother, a grandson, a classmate, a teammate, a neighbor, a friend. Raising a child with Down syndrome has taught us to see the value in others, not based on what they can do, but on who they are.

So maybe the real disability isn’t Jack’s.

Maybe it’s our inability to see each other through a lens of true acceptance and love. If we could overcome that, perhaps we’d stop asking, “What can you do for me?” and start asking, “What can I do for you?”