Annabelle, You Make Me Better

Annabelle makes everyday an adventure and has been full of surprises since the day she was born. When we found out we were pregnant with a second baby, we were thrilled to be completing our family with a little girl. I had a remarkably uneventful, easy pregnancy. Little did we know the plans that Annabelle had in store for us. Just a few minutes after Annabelle was delivered my midwife suggested our baby was showing markers for Down syndrome and we needed to perform chromosomal testing. I didn’t have a clue what that meant. I hadn’t even had the chance to hold my beautiful baby yet. You can imagine the surprise, confusion and worry that engulfed my husband and I. Those moments felt incredibly surreal. It’s difficult to describe the unconditional love I felt for my precious child, but simultaneously be so caught off guard and unprepared for her diagnosis. Meeting our blonde haired, blue eyed girl was one of the happiest days of our lives, but because we didn’t know better, we also had a shadow of worry consuming us.

While we waited for the results to come back, I regret to say that I hoped and cried that she did not have Down syndrome. We were visited by a pediatrician who gave me medical handouts which only had information about all of the possible medical conditions that people with down syndrome may encounter. It was a long list that I couldn’t bring myself to read. Two days after Annabelle was born, we received confirmation by a different pediatrician that Annabelle did indeed have an extra 21st chromosome. I was able to ask the pediatrician about the next appointments we should make, but the three of us in the room were largely at a loss for words and full of tears. My husband and I were so afraid to navigate these uncharted waters and we desperately wanted one of our medical providers to guide us, give us valuable information or at least give us a pep talk. We had a new baby, a toddler at home, a new diagnosis and a million questions. We were discharged shortly after receiving the diagnosis. I left the hospital with a baby that I thought I didn’t know how to take care of. The rabbit hole of Google was my only resource at the time, which isn’t a great one in this situation.

A few weeks after Annabelle was born, we received a Jack’s Basket. I read all the books and pamphlets in the basket; our favorite piece of the basket was a book called Tessa’s Special Code. We read it to our son as “Annabelle’s special code” and it was a beautiful way to introduce Down syndrome to him. The basket delivery also gave us a parent connection- a family that also had a child with Down syndrome in our community, that was pivotal on our path to acceptance and opened the door to a world of people who shared our experience and were ready to support us through the unexpected. I’m forever grateful for those who came before us and helped us light the way.

Before having Annabelle, I was incredibly uneducated about Down syndrome. I thought it was something to fear, something nobody wanted, a difficult and unhappy life. I was so wrong. It’s like I was living under a rock before I knew her. As she gets older, I want her to know that I didn’t cry when she was born because I was disappointed, I cried because I was scared. I cried because I didn’t know what low muscle tone was; I didn’t know what an echocardiogram was. No one told me how awesome she would be. No one told me that she would dance to any song/anywhere, live for macaroni and cheese, be a champion belly flopper and sing the Star Spangled Banner repeatedly and incredibly loudly.

No one told me that she would change our family in ways we didn’t know we needed. She has softened our hearts and shown us how beautiful differences can be. She makes us better in every way. She brings so much joy. We laugh harder, celebrate more and appreciate what others may take for granted.

Annabelle is fearless and unapologetic. She dives headfirst into any situation without hesitation. She inspires me to attempt the same. I will never have her full unfailing confidence, but I make every effort. I had no idea how wonderful the extra chromosome club would be. It is not the life I expected; it is so much better.

Jenna, Annabelle’s Mom