Dear Jack

You see I prayed for this baby that would fulfill my dreams.  Dreams that didn’t involve an extra chromosome, which is what you surprised us with at birth.  And every year when your birthday gets closer, I recall that evening we met you. 

So much anticipation for your arrival, things going according to plan, then everything changed. 

Emergency c-section. 

Followed by an abrupt, unexpected diagnosis of Down syndrome. 

And so many tears. 

In those early days, they were tears of sadness.  Sadness because of what I didn’t know. 

I didn’t know what that diagnosis meant for you and I put too much emphasis on something I didn’t know much about.  Quite frankly, that diagnosis fogged my mind of what I knew to be true.

That you, my son, are fearfully and wonderfully made. 

Those moments were stolen by the four letter F-word.  FEAR.  

Fear of what the diagnosis of Down syndrome would mean for your life.  Fear of what others would think of you.  Fear of your future.  Fear of how the world treats people uniquely created like you.  Fear of how much you would need us.  Fear of how our lives would change because of this new diagnosis.  Fear of what you would look like, and fear of what you wouldn’t be able to do. 

Well, what I now know, is what that diagnosis did not do. 

It didn’t and will not define you, Jack.  My son.  My biggest joy.  My love.  My best teacher.  My little dancer and lover of music.  The boy I needed so badly in my life, and didn’t know it. You’ve help me understand a different perspective.  You’ve brought me closer to my Savior.