Gabe, You Make Me Better
After having our daughter (after three boys) in 2018, everyone commented that our family was complete now that we had our girl. It didn’t feel complete, and we didn’t really care if we had boys or girls. So, in March 2020, as the uncertainty of a new virus shut everything down, I delivered our fifth child, another boy. The weird and strange months that followed left me feeling like our family still wasn’t complete. It was an isolating postpartum period. Deep down, I wanted another child …one more baby to share with everyone, to share with the world. And then, the years went by and we felt that maybe our family was complete. I slowly gave things away and we started to move on to our next phase of parenting. Then, in the summer of 2023, we were surprised when I did find myself pregnant.
The early weeks of pregnancy came and went. We declined any early testing because we would be keeping the baby no matter what. But, because of my age (40), our OB suggested a level two ultrasound at 18-20 weeks. We scheduled the appointment and did not think too much of it.
Our hearts were filled with excitement at seeing our precious child on the screen. It always felt like such a good reassurance to see a healthy, moving, active baby on the screen. After the ultrasound, we were led to a room where the maternal-fetal doctor would go over the results with us. She came in and said, “Physically, everything looks good with your baby, but…” and she dove into explaining the soft markers they spotted. Our baby had a shortened nasal bone and a bright spot on the heart. She told us that this increased the chance of having a baby with Down syndrome by 20%. We couldn’t quite believe it. What would this mean?
From there, we were offered to do further testing. We opted for the non-invasive testing. And then, the long five days of waiting for the results took place. Every phone call, I was jumpy. I just wanted to know the results. At times, I was convinced that everything was going to be “okay” and other days, I feared the results.
Then, the call came. The test results revealed that our baby had a 93% chance of being born with Down Syndrome. I broke down. I cried. And I cried. And I cried some more. This was not the last baby I was dreaming of. Everything was a blur…my mind raced. What would people think? Would they judge us for having another baby at our older age? Would they be welcoming of our child? What would our kids think? And these questions merely scratched the surface as our minds raced with uncertainty.
We told our close friends and family. We were grieving. It was hard. My OB called and shared that it was okay…that it was unexpected but that she also couldn’t think of a better family for this precious baby. Our families and close friends also supported us, cried with us, and prayed with us…
Slowly, I got over the shock. You see, Down syndrome isn’t foreign to me. I was named after a girl my mom took care of who had Down syndrome. I spent a summer in college taking care of a girl with Down syndrome. One of our oldest son’s first friends in kindergarten was a girl with Down syndrome. My husband’s colleague has a brother-in-law with Down syndrome. All are wonderful and special people.
And then, around 24 weeks pregnant, I was overcome with a sense of peace. A peace that everything was going to be okay. And as my pregnancy progressed, we prayed for continued peace. We prayed for our child and the health of our child. We got anxious and excited to meet this child. I took pregnancy pictures. We searched for the perfect name.
On March 8, 2024, our 9 lb 7 oz precious son was born. Gabriel “Gabe” Elijah… it means ”God is my strength”. We held him and didn’t want to let him go. We cuddled him, and spent as much time with him as we could in the NICU. Our older children fought over who got to hold him. They didn’t even complain when they spent their spring break at the Ronald McDonald House. When we brought him home, ten days later, we knew that our family was complete. Perfectly and wonderfully complete.
When Gabe was a mere two months old, we found out that our close friends would also be welcoming a little boy with Down syndrome. As they processed all the emotions, we kept telling them that everything would be okay. It was okay to feel all the emotions, but we could definitively say that our lives were better because of our son. That this was a good and perfect gift that God gave to us. And we get to proudly share Gabe with everyone!
-Colleen, Gabe’s Mom (Minnesota)
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