Unhitch the trailor…

So there once was a time when I was in college that I was running close to campus, it was a cloudy, drizzly afternoon and the comment, “Unhitch the trailor” came from a car filled with high school boys. I remember wearing black wind pants with another layer underneath it, a baggy jacket of some sort, and pluggin’ up the hill. This was probably about 10 years ago, in 2000. In those years, I was probably about 12-15 lbs heavier than now and running was a chance to leave things on the road. It was an escape from whatever issues at the time, my justification to splurge on dinner later, a therapy session, a chance to be alone, and the start of a routine that seems to have become healthy habit.

“Unhitch the trailor?” So did those boys mean I was going so slow that they thought I was carrying a trailor behind me? So they didn’t think I knew the exact pace I was slapping my feet down on the pavement that they needed to remind me and then squeal off? I could chalk it up to some immature, disrespectful high schoolers that didn’t know the power of their words. Well, this morning, I remembered their comment. It was a morning that looked similar to the cloudy one ten years ago, and I asked myself would they say that same thing? Eight marathons later, a Boston marathon finisher, a PB of an average mile of 8:20 for 26.2, doesn’t feel like their could be a trailor behind this girl. But even with those things under my running belt, I am still haunted by the power of those words and the feelings of inadequacy.

Is it because lately when I run I feel my stomach that used to be flat, jiggle under my tank top? Is it because when I look down at my legs I feel like I can see the hail damage starting above my knees? Is it that I know I have missed a few days of running and know I haven’t eaten in moderation, but justified splurging more days than I should have. Has it been the words of my own head that have caused the most damage, the lies I have started to believe, or the assumptions I have made on my husband’s thoughts about my sedentary ways.

I haven’t been in training since early March and I am realizing I need something on the calendar. I don’t know to believe if it’s a crutch, because I realize I don’t do well without a plan. So…

I plan on unhitching the trailor, by signing up for the Turtleman Triathlon. It’s August 14th. I am hoping this will be a bigger challenge than the the challenge right now to “get out of my parking spot”.