January 24, 2014

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander…

I can remember right after Jack was born that I couldn’t go an hour without asking God to give me strength.  I often go back and read the blog entries where I shared these fears of what I thought life would look like and the deep emotions I was having.  Why is it that when things are tough, I am on my knees until I am able to get up again…only to humbling ask Him to forgive me for taking back the reins.  There have been times I have had a desire to go back to those days and be fully reliant on Him, like I was in the first few weeks.

So I start off this 2014 year with the goal of not waiting until those events present themselves, to bring me back to my knees, but to daily TRUST and put FAITH into asking God for His guidance.  Charles F. Stanley writes in the Life Principle Bible that adversity reveals our level of faith.  Fear always accompanies adversity; in fact, a degree of fear is what makes something an adversity instead of just another experience.  Wow, how getting a diagnosis at birth was adversity for us, the fear of the future, the fear of the unknowns…a different plan than we expected…but now…Down syndrome is just a small part of who our sweet Jack is…and hard to define as adversity.  Fear causes us to project the very worst that can happen-that we will never recover, that all hope is lost, that we will never again enjoy some treasured thing.  Many of my first initial thoughts when hearing the words, Down syndrome.

And then there is faith…

Again, music expresses what my heart yearns for.  Oceans (Where feet may fail) by Hillsong United (please click the link and listen to how this song will move you) orchestrates an amazing picture of Peter leaving the boat when Jesus called him to TRUST and walk towards Him on the water.  The disciples had been out at sea when a storm hit and Jesus came to them walking on the water.  They didn’t believe that it was Jesus, more a ghost, so Peter asks Jesus to command him to walk towards Him, on the water.  As Peter begins to walk towards Jesus, he starts to doubt the call that God commanded of him, and starts to sink.  He was focusing on the wind and the waves and not focusing on Jesus.   

Spirit lead me when my trust is without borders.  Let me walk upon the waters.  Wherever you would call me.  Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander.  

I can say that I would have never asked God to give me a child with Down syndrome when I was pregnant with Jack.  My faith was in God but it was in what I wanted and envisioned for my life.  My faith…was in Christ but also in myself…and now that faith, that I cling to…has taken me deeper than my feet could have ever wandered…

You’ve never failed me and You won’t start now.

Luke 11:28 states that obedience always brings blessing.  In the past 10 months, I have felt the many blessings of walking on the water, trusting Him.  It has been one of the best years of my life and I know it’s because I have relied fully on my faith in Christ.  The waves may crash and the oceans rise, but the times I have trusted God and been obedient to His calling for our lives…the fears have subsided.

My prayers have changed…take me deeper than my feet could ever wander…may my faith be made stronger.

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